The Christmas Wish
by xxjonibaby
Summary: In the solace of Hogwarts a few days before Christmas, Harry Potter makes a wish. That he had died. How much better is a world without Harry Potter? Takes place during HBP. Harry/Draco pre-slash. HIATUS.


**The Christmas Wish **

**Chapter One**

**A Wish Is Granted**

Christmas break at Hogwarts was just like any other; the solid lake sparkled and snowflakes blew in the wind, swirling amongst snowy treetops. Students staying at the school for the holiday enjoyed sleigh rides across the grounds and long snowball fights. Children and teachers alike relaxed and basked in the Christmas spirit. Except for Harry, he was in the boys' sixth year dormitory while everyone else was outside frolicking in the snow. He couldn't bring himself to be joyous or merry. Voldemort was back, Malfoy was up to something, and everyone kept treating him as if he would break, or explode. He felt suffocated by their pity and annoyed by the wariness with which they treated him. What was he going to do? It's not as if he had the time to have a mental breakdown.

He sighed and pressed his forehead to the cold glass. His glasses slipped down his nose and looking over the top of them all he could see was white. Emptiness. Like him. He felt hollow inside, paralyzed and frozen. He kept expecting himself to stumble because it felt like he couldn't move and when he finally fell he imagined there would be a resounding echo, but the image never came true. Somehow, each day he got out of bed and went to classes, argued with Hermione and Ron, spied on Malfoy, pretended to eat, and even smiled once or twice. He didn't feel like he actually did any of those things. He was somehow completely detached from his body. The cold reminded him he was still alive, while the ache in his chest threatened to consume him, which reminded him why he wasn't happy about the fact.

Life wasn't fair to him. He had learned that very early. He could've lived with the unfairness. If only it just affected him, but now his godfather was dead. Sirius didn't deserve to die. Harry was the one who believed the stupid vision and rushed headfirst into danger. Just like Cedric, Harry had lead Sirius to his death. It should have been him. Sirius loved the snow. Harry could imagine him leaping in it as Snuffles, his black fur would get wet and he would probably shake himself off and purposely drench everyone else. He fondly imagined for a moment his godfather chasing rabbits and eating snowballs. Sirius should be alive, with Remus, enjoying the perfect Christmas. Sirius always knew how to cheer people up. Whether it was a prank or a dirty joke or peeing on someone's shoe in his animagus form. A raspy laugh escaped when he remembered the look on Snape's face last Christmas when Siri had done that. He sighed. But Sirius wasn't here, Harry was. And Harry had no idea how to cheer anyone up. He barely saw Remus anymore, what could he say to the man the few times he saw him. Sorry, I killed another one of your best friends. It was all his fault that everyone died. Mum, Dad, Sirius, Cedric. He hugged his knees and laid his head down.

"I should've died with them. I wish I had."

Harry woke up in the middle of the night, or rather early morning the day before Christmas Eve. He peered around blearily as he tried to work out what had woken him up. He reached for his glasses, but his hands continued to swipe uselessly at the air where his bedside table should have been. He held his wand in front of him, prepared for an attack, as he whispered Lumos. What he saw startled him so badly the wand fell to the floor and started to away from him on the slanted surface. He made a mad grab for it and managed to catch it before it fell over the edge. Around him, the walls were destroyed and the tower was balanced precariously. Looking over the edge carefully, he saw the rest of the castle wasn't in any better shape. Most of Hogwarts had been reduced to rubble. He barely managed not to hyperventilate. "Ron!" He screamed suddenly. He looked around, swinging his wand wildly, but he couldn't see Ron anywhere. Thankfully, he didn't find any bodies either. "What happened?" he whispered.

"You got your wish."

Startled, he dropped his wand again. The stranger who had spoken picked it up. The man reminded him of Remus, he looked like the quiet intelligent type. He was much older than Remus though. "Who are you?" he asked warily. "What happened?"

"Me? I am but a man. For now," he smiled as if he'd just enjoyed a little joke. "You may call me Richard."

"What are you doing here? What happened to Hogwarts? Where are my friends? What-"

"Slow down, good fellow. The young have so many questions, but only time can give you the answers," he said sagely.

Harry was beginning to worry for the man's sanity. "But-"

"I will, however, humor your questions. It is unwise to walk into a situation unaware of all the facts. After all, we both know how that ends. I am here because you are, Harry. I have to keep an eye on you, you see."

"What? Why do you have to keep an eye on me? Just who are you?"

"I told you, my boy. My name is Richard. I suppose you could call me your guardian angel."

"Guardian angel," Harry repeated incredulously. "Right. Well, if you really are my guardian angel, you've been doing a lousy job."

"Harry, there are rules and procedures to stick to. Even for angels. I have given you all the help I possibly could while at the same time allowing you to learn your lessons."

"What was I supposed to learn? That everyone'll die because of me?" He sniped. He couldn't believe the nerve of this man. Was he a Death Eater or just insane?

"No, Harry. You were supposed to learn hope. You have faced every situation with courage, loyalty, love and sacrifice, but you have never truly felt hope. It is that belief that is most important of all."

"Why is it so important? What's to hope for, when I'll be let down anyway?" The lunatic sighed. Harry almost felt disappointed when he realized the man had given up on the argument. "What, you've nothing to say? Because it's true, isn't it?"

"No, Harry. I have nothing to say simply because it is a lesson that cannot be taught which you must learn. That is not why we are here though and I believe you have more questions. I am your guardian angel, but I have yet to earn my wings, you see. You have not learned your lesson for hope, but perhaps this lesson will teach you so much more."

"What lesson?"

"There are a few actually, but have you ever heard the phrase 'careful what you wish for'?" At his nod, the man continued, "That is the case here. You wished that you had died. So you have. In this world, Harry James Potter died with his parents."

"What? You're insane! How does that explain this," he gestured at the ruins around them.

"Harry, because you did not survive the killing curse, Voldemort was never defeated that night. He has been causing terror the past sixteen years. Hogwarts was attacked four years ago."

"Hogwarts is impenetrable! And Dumbledore would've stopped him!"

"I can see you do not believe me. Faith, that's another thing," the lunatic mumbled, almost to himself. "Well, I suppose your generation needs to see it to believe it. Very well."

Then the man disappeared right in front of his eyes. He hadn't moved a muscle or made a sound, he was just suddenly gone. Not by apparation or by port-key or anything Harry could place, he was simply gone. It was almost like he was never there. With a startling realization, Harry's eyes jerked before narrowing at the window he'd been staring out of. Maybe he was the crazy one.

* * *


End file.
